Dan Savage is fairly well known in the popular GLBT
culture and community. He’s a very controversial figure to boot, going so far
as to coin a term related to anal sex with the surname of former Senator and
Presidential candidate Rick Santorum. He’s also put together more condonable
advocacy for gay teens in the form of the “It Gets Better” project and writes a
column syndicated in many newspapers for sex advice called “Savage Love”. His
advocacy on gay rights stems in part from being raised traditional Catholic,
which has an especially strong opposition to homosexuality in practice. Allegedly,
Savage is a bit skeptical about monogamy, which has brought some issues from
other gay rights activists, likely because it reinforces the stereotype of gay
people being promiscuous. He’s also been noted for supporting the use of
offensive words in a positive light through his column, such as faggot, in a
similar way that queer and gay have been in the last 50 years or so.
Nonetheless some activists find this objectionable, which seems a bit backwards
to me in that he’s not taking it offensively if it’s already recognized that
he’s gay and it’s used as an identifier.
Recently at a high school speech he made, many Christian students walked
out as he called for people to ignore the “bullsh*t” in the bible regarding gay
people. He also made a statement about those that left, calling them “pansy-assed”
for not being able to take criticism when they could easily be called bullies
themselves for calling homosexuality a sin and being insulting to their fellow
classmates that might be gay. This isn’t the first time Savage has made verbal attacks
at people, but this one cuts closer to home in that he’s directly involving
himself with anti-gay proponents and engaging them on a level that many, myself
included, might consider a bit immature. Fundamentally, the man seems fairly
civil, but he does have a temper that flares up from time to time, which he has
a problem with controlling. But his general intent is still reasonable in that
it directly brings Christians, one of the main advocates of anti gay bigotry
and discrimination, to the forefront, and makes them recognize that they are
being hypocrites if they can’t take even a bit of abuse and direct criticism
from the minority they persecute in one form or another.
Not all Christians bully GLBT people, but when they
stand by and do nothing about it, they are making themselves partly as guilty
and responsible for not trying to change how GLBT individuals and groups are
treated by believers in Jesus. Gay Straight Alliances in high schools are
discriminated against and gay students are verbally and physically bullied and
little seems to be done about it, to the point some of them commit suicide,
which is what Dan Savage is trying to avoid with his project. Christians aren’t
expected to necessarily agree with homosexual marriage or homosexual acts, but
treating even homosexual attraction as a disease or dysfunction is not helping
gay teens and young adults understand what love is. If you have a child or a
family member who thinks they might be gay, listen to them. Don’t dismiss their
confusion as a phase or rebellion, but take it seriously and try to figure out
why they feel this way. Is it recent or has it been a pattern for a while?
Perhaps the child isn’t gay, but bisexual, but perhaps they are gay. If this is
the case, you have to be prepared to accept it in one way or another. But don’t
ever push them away to try to save yourself the insecurity of coming to terms
with someone you love happening to be attracted to people of the same sex.
Raising a child is never easy and coping with your own problems is a good step
to do before you start considering children. Otherwise, you risk putting more
stress and problems upon your offspring as you raise them with your own warped
sense of right and wrong. It’s far better to accept your child for what they
are if there is no evidence they can change that quality. Behavior that can be
molded and shaped in some form or fashion is different. Being male/female,
gay/straight/bisexual, transgender, etc are not things you should fault your
child for or make them feel distressed about. If it’s a problem to you, then it
is not something to take out on your child, but work it out yourself.
While supporters of GLBT rights and equality
shouldn’t insult people, beliefs and traditions are not subject to the same
limitations. If people cannot take criticism of their belief systems for the
heinous things they bring forth or try to do something about it, then they
shouldn’t engage in debates with people about something that is still fairly
polarizing politically and religiously. There is a fine line to walk between
insulting individuals or groups in terms of their personal identity that are
immutable qualities and insulting things that are quite mutable, such as
political or religious beliefs, especially if those convictions defame a person
based on immutable characteristics, such as sexual orientation, skin color,
sex, etc. It’s one thing to insult beliefs and bigotry as horrible and
reprehensible things, but to call those who hold them such a thing goes too far
in not treating those whom you want to be equitable and compassionate to others
with that same equity and compassion. If you’re insulted by such people that
oppose gay marriage, kill them with kindness, I say. Even a bit of humor can
make things less tense than they’d be if you try to talk reasonably with people
that don’t think reasonably in a situation where their social norms are being
threatened by an imagined enemy of progress.
Dan Savage’s methods aren’t
perfect, but they aren’t absolutely useless in being confrontational to people
that think every supporter of gay rights is going to roll over and take abuse
like a saint. Some people will get angry, some people will be emotional, but
those feelings should be tempered with peace and self control. I can be
incensed at the hatred and ignorance people spew towards those they either
claim to love or don’t know from the person sitting next to them on the train,
but I shouldn’t stoop to the level of those I oppose unless I can back it up
with a sincere intent to help people. Sometimes people should be left to their
own devices, but direct action can make change if the situation is ripe for it,
if someone is willing to consider that they might be wrong or that their
position can be softened a bit. Treat people with a mixture of yin and yang,
mind and heart, deliberation and intuition. Gay people do not deserve to be
treated like sub humans, but they don’t need attention brought to their
differences all the time either. If they are regarded as equals, then people’s
positions on them may change from what they perceive as those who feel
entitled. It’s a give and take method, but you can’t keep taking without giving
something back. Hatred should be returned with not only passive love, but
active love, tough love. And that’s what Dan Savage does. Until next time,
Namaste and aloha.
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